This week Bea the Bud is talking size. Does it matter? (Short answer: no). Are big penises overrated? (Short answer: yes). If you’ve got one, what do you do with it? And what if you have a small one? Our resident sexpert, Bea, has your answers.
Conclusion – Let’s ditch the measuring tape and just enjoy the intimate times we can have with our partners, no matter the inches involved.
Am I a Size Queen?
I was called a size queen recently. I’ve never been called that before, but alright. I wouldn’t say I’m not… I wouldn’t judge anyone for being on the smaller side (but I do like a big one).
“Size queen” is a term usually used by gay men. It refers to a person who only dates people with big penises, or is only interested in dating people with them. Which of course, I am not, even if I do enjoy the occasional big penis.
My First Big Penis
I must admit, I’ve seen a few in my time. The first time was when I was around 21. (Also, as a side note: I never measure anything in inches, but dicks? Yes.)
This guy was also a big dick himself. And that’s the issue, I think, with men with big penises. Their lives start to revolve around it. He was obsessed with it. Always sending pictures (which I’m not against, that’s all fine by me), but it started to get a lot. Sex also revolved around his penis (as in, he didn’t put much effort into anything that didn’t somehow involve his penis). His life revolved around his penis, and he was always looking for admiration for it.
He also wasn’t the best at communicating. He didn’t state when he wasn’t interested anymore but carried on talking and flirting with the same girls. I assume he started seeing them as friends but never actually told them that. In the end it seemed like lots of girls thought they were involved with him romantically somehow whilst he didn’t see it the same way.
This meant that these girls were also then bitter at each other for all liking the same guy. I think he just liked the attention and the thought of girls fighting over him. Surprise surprise. Our friendship or situationship (or whatever it was) did not end very well. We completely cut contact. He messaged maybe around eight months later (after no contact at all) saying how he was sorry for how things had ended. He was then blocked and I haven’t heard from him since.
I can’t say that he was a big dick just because he had a big dick, but it does feel like the two factors were related somehow. And, having heard stories from friends about their well-endowed partners, it seems like there is a correlation.
There is hope though. I have slept with a guy who had a big dick, who actually wasn’t a big dick. In the few years I’ve known him, he’s been a really nice person. And there’s not been any big dick behaviour from him. But his genuine kindness as a well-endowed man does raise some questions. Is he an anomaly? Are most big dicked men really that bad? What is it with big penises that’s so attractive?
Let’s start with the last one.
Read more from Bea the Bud…
Why is Sex With Bigger Penises Considered Good?
Let’s first start with a reminder that being very well endowed is fairly uncommon, and being average size is a lot more common. The average size is normally considered a lot bigger than it actually is. The average is actually around 4 inches flaccid (roughly 10cm) and 5 inches when erect (12.7cm). I’ve slept with plenty of men who were incredibly insecure about their size, when they are literally the most average size. It’s unreal that the average size is considered small by so many men. It’s really not. Insecurity, meet reality.
Okay, back to the article. I used to watch Naked Attraction for the facts about sex. I remember that once the presenter of the show said that yes, bigger penises can be good for vaginal sex because a lot of the nerve endings in the vagina are actually in and around the vulva area and not necessarily further into the actual vagina. But that means we’re referring to girth rather than length. I’ve been doing my research, and it turns out it’s true. The wider the penis, the more sensitive nerve endings it hits on the way into the vagina and that results in a more intense orgasm. (This doesn’t carry over to anal sex because the same nerve endings aren’t there.)
I’ve also been googling this. Is anal sex better with a big penis? After battling a mound of unsolicited porn, I found some articles and they all essentially said no. Big penises are more prone to cause tearing and other injuries. When it comes to oral, they are more likely to cause a lot of gagging and jaw pain. When talking about sex in general (as opposed to male-female penetrative sex), big ones can often cause more pain and be more uncomfortable in certain positions.
Are Big Penises Overrated?
Big penises might have some sexual appeal and hit some more nerve endings around the vulva, but that’s not all there is to the story. Big dicks are definitely overrated. The appeal of a big penis comes from culture more than anything, don’t you think? Being well endowed is something associated with masculinity, which in our culture is seen as a good quality to have as a man. So, most of what makes big penises so attractive really isn’t scientific, it’s just cultural.
If You’ve Got One, What Do You Do With It?
I thought I’d take some time to give some tips for you in the bedroom. I’ll start with those who are well endowed. Because, yes, it might be exciting, but you must be careful because it simply is more dangerous. Big penises often cause pain. The first tip is relevant for all, but especially for big ones. Make sure your partner is enjoying it. Might seem obvious to all sex, but here it really really matters. Without fully enjoying it and going in a little earlier can make it so painful and that’s really what we’re trying to avoid here. The second tip kind of links to the first: foreplay is key. Big penises can be overwhelming; they can be a lot.
Remember that not everything has to involve penetration. Doing a mixture of things is a good solution to let your partner take a break. And thirdly, a great tip that’s super important: Use lube on lube on lube. Keep applying it throughout, not just at the start. Lube will make it all go a lot easier and will help keep everyone turned on throughout. And my final tip. Use a position that puts your partner in control, so they can decide how deep it goes.
Read more from Bea the Bud…
What If You Have a Smaller One?
So, what if you have a smaller penis? There are a few tips for you too. So, first of all, positions are super important. With some positions you’re able to reach deeper depths; for example doggy style is a classic to get that bit more depth.
The second tip, again, is kind of related. When doing certain positions where it doesn’t go as deep (like missionary) you can do things to make it feel better. For example, put your partner’s legs on your shoulders. Or keep your partner’s legs together.
The next tip is similar to that of big penises, but I can’t stress the importance of it enough. Foreplay foreplay foreplay. It’s a vital part of sex. Having good oral skills or anything else considered foreplay is so important. Foreplay is important because it gives other options than plain old penetration.
Another thing you can add into the bedroom to spice it up a little bit is the addition of sex toys. Sex toys can really add something to sexy time. And also give a break from penetration. It also allows you to focus more on your partner’s enjoyment. One of the many many benefits of using sex toys.
Give It Up for Average Ones?
You may think average penises are middle of the road. But in all honesty, they’re the most manageable of them all. Also, they need the least tips because they can do more positions than both big penises and smaller ones. So, tip one: Just explore whatever you want. Find that sweet spot between you and your partner. I’m sorry I really don’t have that much to add here. Average sizers are the goldilocks of sex partners.
In a nutshell, the size debate is simply mostly false. The penis expectations are so influenced by societal expectations. It’s not about that. Learn how best please them with whatever size you have. Let’s ditch the measuring tape and just enjoy the intimate times we can have with our partners, no matter the inches involved.