A young woman carrying a lot of shopping bags bought by her sugar daddy

Should I Get a Sugar Parent?

This week, Bea is talking Sugar Daddies. What’s it like to have a Sugary Daddy? Is it a good idea to have a Sugar Daddy? And who says it has to be a daddy…

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Even as teenagers, I used to joke with my friends about not having enough money; if only we had a sugar daddy. A sugar daddy was the solution to our problems. We’d never have to worry about paying for anything ever again. This carried on when we became adults and things like paying rent and taxes became a reality for us all. The joke that a sugar daddy would be there for us to pay for everything we needed continued…

Who’s Got A Sugar Daddy?

It became reality for one of my friends. Now, this friend. She’s someone I’ve always admired. She’s strong. She’s smart. She’s beautiful. She’s everything I aspired to be when I met her as a teen and I’ll keep her around forever more.I truly believe she helped me become the person I’ve become today, and  I’m especially proud of myself considering how far I’ve come from when I first met her until now. Anyway, moving on from the love letter to my friend. I wanted to talk about how when we were young(what now feels like we were actual babies but we were in fact around 20), we would sit over drinks talking about her sugar daddy and what he did for her.

Tips for Finding a Sugar Daddy

So. My friend, I remember this vividly, was telling me how she’d found her sugar daddy on a website. She’d gone on a few dates to scope out what kinds of sugar daddies were around and the reality was, there weren’t many good options. She said there were many who purely wanted to pay to have sex with a younger girl. Many were predators. She, being the strong woman that she is, knew her worth. She knew this wasn’t the thing for her (it shouldn’t really be a thing for anyone). She avoided these men and carried on her search. She finally found one. He was in a similar field to her. He acted more as a mentor and occasionally paid things for her. They stayed in contact for many years and, as far as I know, they’re still in contact.

So, just as a summary of what my friend said many many years ago. 

  1. Be wary of people only in it for sex. 
  2. Make sure they respect you. They have to treat you like a real person (also relevant for the first point).
  3. They still need to serve some kind of purpose, for her it was receiving academic and career advice.
Blond woman looking sexy holding a cup of coffee

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But Can We All Be So Lucky?

Wouldn’t it be great to have someone to pay for things for you? To know that whatever may go wrong in your life, that there is someone there who would support you financially? Many would say yes. Many would say no. 

I told someone else about my friend’s sugar daddy. She was baffled. She was shocked. She was stunned. I’d been joking about how great it would be and she simply couldn’t believe it. She went on a rant about how it’s anti-feminist. The trend is to be a sugar daddy, normally an older man, and to have a sugar baby, normally a younger girl. Here there are many powers at work. The sugar daddy has power, as in he’s a man. The sugar daddy has power, as in he’s older. The sugar daddy has power, as in he has money. They’re three very important factors and if you remember they’re the factors that led my last threeway relationship to go to shit.

A woman in purple bedsheets writing about her polyamory experience

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Can You Find an Ethical Sugar Daddy?

I’m not sure if an ethical sugar daddy could exist. But I do believe that a more ethical version could exist. 

For me, a sugar daddy is automatically older. It wouldn’t be a daddy without him being older. A sugar daddy also automatically has more money, otherwise there wouldn’t be any sugar. But. It doesn’t necessarily have to be a daddy. It could be a mummy. Without the gender roles and stereotypes alongside the money and age difference, it makes it a third more ethical, right?

Did I Accidentally Find Myself a Sugar Mummy?

Also, ironically, I had this conversation with the woman from the couple I was dating. She said I’d be the perfect sugar baby, and that what I really needed in life was a sugar mummy. A sugar mummy, not a sugar daddy of course. She almost had that role in my life. Buying me food and clothes, paying for my events, and taking me out for drinks. And that didn’t end well, because she also expected sex from me. She didn’t respect me enough to let me decide whether I wanted it or not.

So, I know I should avoid situations and relationships where there is a big power imbalance. Specifically when I’m in a position where I have little power. But. Despite all this, I still want to try and find one.

I Like Older Women, Sue Me. 

I was speaking to a friend recently over dinner, very Sex and the City style, about sugar mummies. She said I was the perfect candidate for being a sugar baby. I love being bought things, I like older women, what else do I need? She joked a while ago that I liked older women and since then I’d been telling other friends who all laughed about it but agreed. I’ve come to terms with it now. I like older women. Sue me.

Do It For The Plot 

My next mission is to download the apps and find the websites. Not necessarily because I want to actually have one. But I just want to see what’s out there. I want to see if the options are good or not. I do need to compare my friend’s results from back when we were 20 and she was finding sugar daddies. It’s research, you know. I’m doing it for the column. I’m doing it for the plot. It’s been a few months since I had big news to tell my friends. I believe this could be the big new thing in my life. Especially living in Stockholm, there must be plenty of rich older women who want to take me out and buy me presents…

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