Lesson 7: You Should Date Your Friends

*Disclaimer, this article is about dedicating time to your friendships, not ACTUALLY dating your friends.

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I saw a guy on the metro today.

Okay, when I say I saw him, what I mean is he sat directly in my line of vision as I stared, daydreaming, into the empty seat opposite me. He sat down with an overwhelming presence. I usually don’t pay much attention to people around me on the metro (as much as I wish I was, I am not a natural people-watcher).

This guy was good-looking, tall, and well-dressed: ironed black culottes, a pristine white t-shirt and a cross-body bag I could never pull off (believe me, I tried). He had his hair slicked back and sunglasses on (yes, on the metro, so it was definitely a fashion choice).

Being the natural sceptic that I am, I always assume that people that look like this are fuckboys. (As it’s her area of expertise, I asked Bea for her definition of “fuckboy” for those of you unfamiliar with the term).

Bea the Bud, our Love and Sex Columist, on her definition of a Fuckboy:

Fuckboys are by definition non-committal. Like, they appear to be interested and want a relationship, and they’ll play the whole relationship thing and do everything that you’d do in a relationship. Then they disappear as soon as commitment is mentioned.

It took me a surprising amount of time to look down and realise he was holding a bunch of flowers. Not just shop flowers but proper ones, you know, like he’d definitely gone to a florist for them. I know you can’t assume that much from a bunch of flowers, but it occurred to me from this and the way he was dressed that he was probably going on a date. And taking flowers!

For the first time in a long time, I found myself thinking: Wow, what lucky person is on the recieving end of those? 

And all of a sudden I wanted someone to take me on a date.

Read my lastest article:

Lesson 6: You Want Things More When You Can’t Have Them

Do I Really Want to Go On a Date, Though?

I’ve mentioned a couple of times in recent articles that I was dating someone for a couple of months at the beginning of this year. Yes, there were flowers and a couple of dinner dates in the beginning, but it quickly fell away. This was pre-business-launch for both of us, so we really spent 90% of our time together working.

I’m not complaining; this setup worked for both of us at the time, and I’m grateful for the support I got from him in the short time we were together. 

(I didn’t come here to talk about him, I just felt like I had to explain this minor blip on my track record of being single for the last three years.)

These three past years (other than the blip) are actually the first that I’ve been single in my entire adult life. I spent my teens and early twenties swinging from unhappy relationship to unhappy relationship, hoping I would find someone to fix the hole in my heart.

Luckily for me I managed to fix the hole in other ways (read: therapy), and I love being single. I love knowing I could move to a new place on a whim. I love being able to do whatever I want, whenever I want, without having to ask someone first.

Of course, I date casually, and for the most part it works for me. But, there are times when it doesn’t quite satisfy me in the way that I want (no pun intended there). There are times when I want someone to take me out for a REALLY fancy dinner. I want to do my makeup, put on my best outfit and get butterflies when someone comes to pick me up. Can I do that without accidentally making someone think that we’re relationship-ing? 

That was a rhetorical question.

I think.

I mean, if someone had an answer for me then I wouldn’t mind that, actually.

Read more from this series:

Lesson 4: How to Deal with Failure

Dating Your Friends

Recently one of my friends and I meant to go for a fancy lunch together, but we ended up being lazy and went to the beach instead. We’d also been meaning to get ice cream together for a while, and her birthday is coming up so we’re going for dinner. I said to her recently in a voicenote that we should make a list of all the things we’re planning to do together.

It reminded me of the lists I had with this guy I dated in March. We had a shared photo album for all of our pictures together. We had a list of all the dates we were going to go on, and a list of all the films we were going to watch. (Can you believe it took dating a Sicilian before I finally watched The Godfather? You can tell I’m not a movie person.)

Anyway, more to the point: Why aren’t we dating our friends? 

Why aren’t we doing all of the lavish things that you’d do with your partner with other people that we love? 

I’m currently on a trip through Southern Europe to go and meet my best friend from the UK in France. We’re staying with a bunch of friends, so I said to her: will we be able to sneak off for a date night one evening?

I didn’t even think twice about calling it a date, because that’s what it would be.

Anyway. If you’re my friend, and I ask you to go for dinner next week, now you know why. I’ll write a follow-up article in a few weeks and let you know how I get on dating my friends…